On inspiration Friday, Jul 27 2012 

I have the great privilege of having Ashley guest post on my blog! She has a great post of y’all!

Hi all.  My name is Ashley and I blog at Writing To Reach You. Heather gave me some space here to guest blog and asked me to talk about inspiration. The question I am most often asked about inspiration is, “where do you look for it?”  The honest answer is that I don’t look for inspiration anywhere.  That’s not to say that I don’t find it many places, but I think it’s easy to put off doing whatever you want to do because you don’t feel inspired.  You don’t need inspiration to get started.

I once heard David Gray talk about songwriting.  He said that he tries to treat it like a job.  He goes into the studio every day to write music.  He doesn’t write a masterpiece every day.  I bet there are many days when he writes nothing that survives the garbage can.  Sometimes he is struck with flashes of inspiration.  Moments when all the barriers to creativity are removed and things flow. He has little control over these moments of inspiration, but he finds that the more he shows up to do the work, the more often they happen.

Ze Frank claims that when you act on your creative ideas, new ideas appear. I have found this to be true in practice.  The more that I am writing, the more I get ideas for things to write.  When I am writing every day, ideas start flying at me from every direction regardless of whether I’m in a position to actually write them down. When I’m not writing a lot, it’s not because I’m not inspired. It’s because I’m not doing the hard work of sitting down in a chair to face a blank screen.  Once I’m back in the habit of it, I find creativity again.  There is something about creativity and inspiration that feels magical–they can’t really be understood–but they seem to find me more often when I’m doing the work than when I’m out searching for them.

Do the work. Do the work. Do the work.  That’s what I repeat over and over to myself.  Because not only is inspiration difficult to find when you go looking for it, but if you don’t know what you’re looking for, then you probably won’t recognize it.  What I mean is that inspiration isn’t meaningful as anything general. You have to form some connection to something you’re already doing. It has to be unique to you.

I was sitting in class one time listening to a guest lecturer talk about climbing Kilimanjaro, and I was so impressed and inspired by someone who made up his mind to do something and then did it that I immediately thought, “I want to climb Kilimanjaro!”  Then I thought, “wait, no I don’t.”  Kilimanjaro was his dream, but what was my dream? Oh, yes. Being a professional writer.  Making my living by writing is my Kilimanjaro!  If I hadn’t made a personal connection, I would have left that class thinking that what I needed to do was climb a mountain, but I have no real interest in climbing a mountain, and soon that would just be an idea I had one time.  Instead, I made a connection between that initial rush of inspiration and something I really want to do, and it has remained a really powerful idea to me for over a year.

Once I started to think of inspiration differently, I began to find it in the most surprising place. I mean, I would never think to look for inspiration in comedy podcasts, yet so many things that I’ve heard in them have inspired me to write. I’m inspired by music, but I’m not a musician. I just love watching other people do what they do well; it makes me want to do what I do well.  Also, it sounds good and keeps me company while I’m writing.  I love that transcendent feeling I sometimes get watching movies; a well told story makes me want to tell stories.  A moving quote on tumblr can inspire me to write a reaction. Hearing someone talk about how they realized their dreams makes me want to realize my own dreams.

The most important question about inspiration is, “what am I going to do with it once I find it?”  Inspiration can be big and sweeping and exciting, but putting it into action is often tedious and boring.  This is true no matter how much you love what you’re doing.  I love to write, but it’s hard, it can be lonely, and it’s not always rewarding.  I remind myself: Do the work. Do the work. Do the work. And I never regret it.

How do you get past it? Wednesday, Jun 13 2012 

I have all these ideas in my head about things I want to write about. I even write notes to myself as to remind myself to write about said things.

Then nothing. Nata. Stuck.

I have these half brain ideas, bursting to be written in the moment but nothing to write them on. Nothing to commit them to memory. Not enough time.

Once I sit down to finally write, nothing comes out, not even with my little notes. I hate that I have these ideas but nowhere to put them. It’s frustrating.

So, tell me, how do you do it?

Can I really do this? Friday, Jun 1 2012 

I look at that title and it sort of annoys me.

How many times have I tried to do “this”- this blog.

Lots. That’s how many.

I started blogging to keep in contact with my friend Amy who was in the Peace Corps, half way around the world. That was about 2-3 years ago. Well, not really. I started writing in my Live Journal (yes, they still exist) when I was a teenager.Then moved onto Blogger and now I’m here!

I stare at this computer screen with trepidation. Scared that my words will sounds stupid and not make sense.

I often thought that I had to blog. That if I didn’t, people wouldn’t know who I was and they would forget about me. And ya know what? That happens. It’s okay.

I don’t think I’ll ever write a book or having something published in a magazine. That’s okay too.

I write because it helps. It helps me get stuff to the outside. I’m really bad about keeping stuff on the inside. If it helps you too, that’s great!

I write because I need to.

Wordless Wednesday: Write Wednesday, May 9 2012 

[yes]

Wine and Love v34 Thursday, Apr 19 2012 

It’s Wine and Love Thursday!! Created by Nora and hosted by Suki, this is where you tell us what is causing you to grab that bottle of wine (or your beverage of choice) and what is causing your heart to burst with love this week!  Come and participate with us!

W(hine):

* Time, time, time….don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do and it seems like I can’t make time to do anything =/

Love:

* FESTIVAL IS NEXT WEEK!!!!!! Y’all should seriously come visit me!!!

* My first post for IndieInk is live. You can find it here. I’m nervous and excited about it. It’s a great site for writers!

* Books, books and more books!!

* Hosted this awesome post written by Linda!! Great advice when living with a roommate!!

 

 

 

Fate knows what it’s doing Thursday, Apr 19 2012 

Fate had brought her here. She knew it. She could feel it.

Shad hadn’t been to see him in a long time. She just couldn’t do it. Today was different, though. She just got in the car and drove. Turning and stopping where it felt right. That feeling led her here.

The tires of her old car crunched under the gravel as she drove through the gate. The wind felt great. The sun was shinning. ‘It’s like the prefect day’, she thought, putting on her sunglasses and parking the car.

She opened the door, swung her feet around from behind the wheel and stopped. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe I should go back’, she thought, looking back at her steering wheel. But something was holding her there. She knew she had to do it.

She got out the car and closed the door. She didn’t have to walk very far to find him.

She knelt before his grave.

“I know it’s been awhile, Dave. I’m sorry,” she said.

 

For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, Kat challenged me with “Write about the fickle finger of fate” and I challenged Head Ant with “Writing it all down just wasn’t enough…”

I’m coming clean about my anger Wednesday, Mar 21 2012 

Doniree wrote this awesome post about how she started living the life SHE wanted.

I was going to write a post about how I need to make time to take time for me. But, that’s for later.

Instead, I will talk about a huge issue that I have.

I have an anger issue. And it can (and has) gotten bad.

I have Type A tendency’s. I’m demanding and bossy and want to you see things MY way.

Yeah, like that ever works.

I know these things about myself, and I am trying like mad to correct them.

I don’t want people to see me as The Bitch (which I think a lot of people do).

My anger really comes out when people talk bad about things that I love. Take today for example. In case you don’t know, this terribleawufulnogoodthing happened. I understand why it happened. Someone I am friends with on Twitter commented that American football was lame. That really got to me. I know it shouldn’t have but it did. I just wish people would put ‘I think’ or ‘In my opinion’. Because, in my opinion, American football is NOT lame. I’ve gotten into fights with my parents and PJ over football games. It’s just not a pretty picture. Few other things. It really annoys me when people tell me to calm down. You don’t think I know that? I get more angry for you saying things like that then actually letting me get through my anger and calming down on my own. It also really gets to me when people tell that others are “really turned off by that”. Ya don’t say? Wow….I never knew that. Why do you think I wrote this post? I need your help. Books, methods, ANYTHING!

So, here I am, telling you that this bossy, demanding, Type A personality needs help. Give me all that you have!

I might also note that I am loving, loyal, caring, wonderful and pretty damn awesome. Because this can’t be all bad, right?

Wine and Love v28 Thursday, Mar 8 2012 

It’s Wine and Love time!!!

W(h)ine:

* Money….don’t make enough of it, never have enough of it lol

* Diet and exercise have not been going so well

Love:

* I bought both of these prompts from Doni and am so excited. Got my first prompts this week!! Can’t wait to see more. You should buy them (and use this links in here- I get money from each sale)!

* I made this awesome meal this week that I will hopefully blog about this weekend (including pictures!)

* Check out the Habibi Hips performance at Bellydance Superstars Club Bellydance:

* I blogged about my ongoing struggle with depression and cutting

* Had a great meeting with Madre Annie <3

* I have a lot of great things to look forward to next week: PJ and I’s 1 year anniversary, seeing the play Chicago, CRAWFISH!, Patty in the Park and a BBQ for the season finale of The Walking Dead with friends and family

Confession: A letter to you Friday, Mar 2 2012 

Exactly 4 years and 8 months to the day, I cut again.

I don’t know what I was thinking. Basically, I wasn’t.

I just wanted to pain I was feeling inside to stop. I wanted to feel something other than what was going on inside.

I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew what I was doing was selfish.

This is my confession to you because I need to held accountable for my actions.

I am sorry to those I hurt. I am sorry to cause you so much pain and worry. I will make this better.

Love,

Me

I’m still here Thursday, Mar 1 2012 

All day, I have been going over and over in my head how to write this post. There is no easy way to do this so I’m just going to write.

Today, March 1, is National Self-Injury Awareness Day.

I self-harm.

I’ve battled with depression since a very young age. I was in college before anyone found out that I cut myself. I remember that day very clearly. My sister and I were sitting on the sofa, and my mom wanted to take our picture. My sister and I started horsing around and that is when she saw the cuts on my arm. All hell broke loose. I was put into therapy and was put on meds. The only problem was that my insurance ran out in four months. I remember the morning I took my last pill. I held it in my hand and cried. I was scared and felt so alone. I didn’t know what to do. My 24th birthday was coming up and there was this guy that I liked. I cut myself 24 times the morning of my birthday. 24 little reminders that this would make it all better. I remember him looking at my arm and told me that if I wanted to date him, I had to stop this. I wasn’t sure if I could or not, but I gave it a shot.

That was 4 years and 8 months ago. We have since broken up.

I will be honest and tell you that I struggle every single day. Some days are easier than others. Some days, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear. I made a pact with a good friend that if I ever walked up to her holding my wrists out, all she had to do was grab them and squeeze. Then we would talk. She no loner lives near me, but I think about that pact often. I think about how far I’ve come, but I still see how much farther I have to go. I think about my friends and family. I think about Broly. There is so much I have in my life to be thankful for, and I am. I am grateful for those who let me talk or just let me be.

This doesn’t get an easier, but I can promise that it does get better.

 

 

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