….and neither are yours. Yeah, I said. I see my boobs at least twice a day. I noticed that one is lower than the other and the other is a little bigger. That’s normal. It happens. They are not suppose to be perfect. Though a majority of women do not see it that way.

They see themselves as flawed, not perfect, always wanting to live up to society “standards” and caving to media pressure.

Growing up, I knew that I was not going to be a skinny girl. I was never going to wear low slung jeans and baby doll t-shirts. In the third grade, I was told to use my “big butt” to pop a balloon. In the 5th grade, I was given the nicknames “Thunder Thighs” and “Shewoman”.

I watched my mom struggle with her weight my entire life. About 3 years ago, she had the gastric bypass surgery. At the time, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it. Part of me was really scared that was going to happen to me.

I had to go shopping for a pair of jeans this past weekend because all of mine where falling apart. I loath shopping. Always have. I walked into the dressing room, feeling the anxiety already, knowing that I would face the truth very soon. I tried on a pair of jeans. I took them off and just stared at myself in the mirror. My could feel the tears starting to form, my eyes getting red, ready to cry buckets. Instead, I held back the tears and tried on a bigger pair of jeans. I ended up getting the second pair I tried on and a cute cardigan.

All I kept thinking was how could I let this happen to my body? Granted, for the last 2 1/2 months I have been out of work and looking for a job. I didn’t exercise like I said I was, and I didn’t eat very well. I am part of this wonderful project. My goal for this month was to drink more water (my original goal was to give up refined sugar- still a goal, just not this month). I don’t think I have been doing as well as I had hoped. I’m just going to keep trying.

I really want to add exercise and healthy eating back into my life. I miss being active. Last week, belly dance started. I have a class on Monday nights and 3 classes on Thursday night (the first one being Zumba). After Thursday, I just knew that something had to change.

So, here is to REBUILDING, starting with me.